If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
