i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
