I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
