thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
