I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
