If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
