I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My life is pants optional.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
