can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
