I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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