everyone is single if you try hard enough
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
