how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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