only if we run a train.
done.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
