my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
