Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
