I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
