singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
