also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
