I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
