Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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