You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
