saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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