It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
