Do you still have your period?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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