I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize