no, he came in my armpit
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
