I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
