yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
