i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
