I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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