By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
