I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
