i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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