is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
