it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
