You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
