omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
