so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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