Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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