I looked at my own cervix.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
