We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
