I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
