I puked a lego.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
