my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
