just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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