He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
