pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
