I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
