Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
