If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
