I'm gonna have a badass scar
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
