I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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